There is nothing more shattering to the night than the butt of a flashlight tapping on the window of your car at 2:15 am. Parking lot security says, “Eh man, you gotta go.” It’s embarrassing.
Just when you think you found the SPOT the man on the golf cart says NO SIR! I was somewhere in Mississippi and I hadn't refined my "resident of the parking lot" tactics yet.
But a few months before this I had a beautiful home in Southern California, a wife, a kid, dog, an ETHOS to live by and people I thought were my friends. I had the dream.
Now… I was THAT GUY with everything I owned packed in my vehicle in black trash bags.
While I aimlessly wandered I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. Not what you would expect from a college grad and SOF veteran right?
My situation was the by-product of someone left to navigate the complex world with injuries unseeable to the naked eye. My physiology was hijacked by the sympathetic nervous system.
I was BITTER because I invested by the book in the linear path to success and building a solid reputation. I always hoped to be the guy who solved the balance of great team guy and great family man. I failed at both.
I lost all confidence in myself because my philosophy and what I believed brought me to these HOPELESS circumstances
For a while, I felt betrayed because of all those I protected, of those I did favors for, and all those I broke my back for progressed in their careers and I was left to dry. The Pilot hovered too long or the other guys not holding down the boat on the beach. It was constant
I was STUCK looking for a way to point the finger, and blame others as if that would make my situation easier to accept...?
I believed that I was crazy. I lost my FAITH in all things I thought were real. My moral compass was broken and I no longer knew the direction to go.
As I lay awake staring at the ceiling of my car I started to question WHY? I had to find out HOW I went wrong.
The greatest mistake I ever made that destroyed everything I earned that sent my values into a tailspin was a mantra I lived by of “Suffering in SILENCE.”
I was BRAVE enough to go on numerous missions in some of the most dangerous places in the world but I was SCARED to admit these words below.
“Hey bro, I am not good. I need help.”
That sentence was something my PRIDE and EGO would not let me admit. My ARROGANCE locked me into a perpetuating cycle of turmoil and isolation and down I went.
That was 5 years ago, and It’s a very long story of how I got back to where I am now. But the turnaround started with scrolling through my contacts and making one phone call.
To this day I have no idea why a simple phone call felt equivalent to jumping from 10,000ft.
But as I sift through the 99 to find the 1 navigating the pit of a TOTAL LIFE RESET hopefully these words will resonate.
There is a way out and it starts with YOU.
I love you
Just when you think you found the SPOT the man on the golf cart says NO SIR! I was somewhere in Mississippi and I hadn't refined my "resident of the parking lot" tactics yet.
But a few months before this I had a beautiful home in Southern California, a wife, a kid, dog, an ETHOS to live by and people I thought were my friends. I had the dream.
Now… I was THAT GUY with everything I owned packed in my vehicle in black trash bags.
While I aimlessly wandered I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. Not what you would expect from a college grad and SOF veteran right?
My situation was the by-product of someone left to navigate the complex world with injuries unseeable to the naked eye. My physiology was hijacked by the sympathetic nervous system.
I was BITTER because I invested by the book in the linear path to success and building a solid reputation. I always hoped to be the guy who solved the balance of great team guy and great family man. I failed at both.
I lost all confidence in myself because my philosophy and what I believed brought me to these HOPELESS circumstances
For a while, I felt betrayed because of all those I protected, of those I did favors for, and all those I broke my back for progressed in their careers and I was left to dry. The Pilot hovered too long or the other guys not holding down the boat on the beach. It was constant
I was STUCK looking for a way to point the finger, and blame others as if that would make my situation easier to accept...?
I believed that I was crazy. I lost my FAITH in all things I thought were real. My moral compass was broken and I no longer knew the direction to go.
As I lay awake staring at the ceiling of my car I started to question WHY? I had to find out HOW I went wrong.
The greatest mistake I ever made that destroyed everything I earned that sent my values into a tailspin was a mantra I lived by of “Suffering in SILENCE.”
I was BRAVE enough to go on numerous missions in some of the most dangerous places in the world but I was SCARED to admit these words below.
“Hey bro, I am not good. I need help.”
That sentence was something my PRIDE and EGO would not let me admit. My ARROGANCE locked me into a perpetuating cycle of turmoil and isolation and down I went.
That was 5 years ago, and It’s a very long story of how I got back to where I am now. But the turnaround started with scrolling through my contacts and making one phone call.
To this day I have no idea why a simple phone call felt equivalent to jumping from 10,000ft.
But as I sift through the 99 to find the 1 navigating the pit of a TOTAL LIFE RESET hopefully these words will resonate.
There is a way out and it starts with YOU.
I love you
